Powerful conversation with personal development expert Brad Bizjack
Hey there, friends. I am so excited to have one of my friends and my own personal mindset coach, Brad Bizjack as a guest today on the Crank It Up! Podcast. Actually, he’s here for two weeks.
Julie [00:00:37]:
Our conversation was so good that it was really too much to squeeze into one. And, you know, my goal is to give you these bite sized pieces of motivation and inspiration and dare I say, fire. I want you listening to them in the morning, setting the tone for your day if you possibly can.
You might know that Brad is a personal development expert. He’s a mindset coach, he’s an inspirational speaker, and he’s a podcast host with over ten years of coaching experience. His mission truly is to help people maximize their life, master their mindset and elevate their relationships and their career to the next level.
He’s also one of the reasons I was able to crank up my own ambition and cross off a huge dream, big goal in my life much earlier than anticipated. On today’s episode, we are digging into some pieces that tend to hold people back from going after their goals and how making yourself a priority is a key to getting unstuck.
So lean in, take notes, let’s get ready to crank it up.
Brad Bischeck, welcome to the new podcast. You know what? We just keep evolving and going through iterations and here we are. Here we are again.
And yet you keep coming back because you’re a friend of the pod. No matter what we call it, no matter where we are, no matter where we are in our journey, you’re a friend of the pod, so welcome back.
Brad [00:02:03]:
Well, thank you for having me, friend. I love that so much and just so cool to see how you’re serving. I’m just so excited to add value to the listeners today. It’s going to be great.
Julie [00:02:12]:
Let’s talk about how we know each other just because I think that’s really helpful information for people who might not have been with us on the entire podcast journey in the multitude of titles, logos, and all the things that we’ve been doing.
If you are new to the podcast, welcome, if you like Brad, are a friend of the podcast, welcome back. Brad and I have known each other, it feels like forever and ever and ever. We really started working together at the end of 2020. Is that right?
Brad [00:02:43]:
That’s right, yeah.
Julie [00:02:44]:
What is that? It feels like three years ago. Yeah. 15 years ago and like yesterday, time is so strange. We started working together and Brad has been my personal mindset coach. He’s been a mindset coach to my team of business partners.
We’ve done a three day business intensive together upon which I took him to Disney because that’s what we do.
Brad [00:03:05]:
It was awesome.
Julie [00:03:06]:
When you come here to Florida, that’s what we do. And we have just worked together for quite some time. And Brad has been instrumental in helping me break through some plateaus, helping me accelerate the timeline on some of my goals, getting to Disney faster than what I thought we were going to be able to do.
So he’s back because we’re always talking about mindset on this podcast and we’re talking about stepping into our next level version. You and I talked a little bit before we started recording about who I am this next season that I’m stepping into. The women that I’m talking to now.
I think across the board, women are just stepping into a different season, a new level, and maybe they too were inspired by the summer of the female. Thank you, Taylor, Beyonce and Barbie, maybe they are inspired or going through a parenting transition.
Like, you know, who knows? We’re all just kind of in a different place in our journey. But here we are stepping into this next season.
I’m curious, as a mindset coach, how do you talk to people when they’re like, oh, I’m going through it, this is a challenge. I’m transitioning into a new season, I don’t know what to do. And they really resisted that situation.
Mastering Your Mindset and Overcoming Obstacles
Brad [00:04:26]:
Honestly, the greatest challenge people have is thinking they shouldn’t have challenges. I think no matter what season you’re in, you’re going to expect challenges because here’s what typically happens.
We say that we want a certain goal or dream or whatever we desire, right? And maybe it’s more presence, maybe it’s more happiness, maybe it’s to make more money, whatever it is, and we’ll put it out there to the universe.
And the universe is like, okay, here are some lovely lessons for you to learn so that you can grow into a person that’s capable of achieving those things.
And the challenge that I think happens a lot of the time is that those lessons are beautiful gifts that are wrapped in pains that we pay attention to. And when the pain shows up or when the challenges show up or the discomfort shows up, we don’t like it. So we avoid it, we resist it.
And when, you know, whatever you resist, persists
And so we end up not learning the lesson and therefore never really achieving what we want in life. So my response to that is, well, of course you’re dealing with challenges. Of course you’re dealing with uncertainty during a new part of any journey, whatever the stage of life is.
And I think that’s kind of par for the course and something that throughout all of life we should be ready for and excited about, because it’s always going to come.
Julie [00:05:38]:
It’s interesting, isn’t it, that we often think… I hear this all the time with women that I work with. They’re like, well, I was on my journey. I was on my health and wellness journey. I was on my business journey. I was doing this, and then life happened.
I’m like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Those things that you’re calling life happened. That’s actually just life.
That’s just life. Nothing happened other than just regular, ordinary daily life. But for some reason, we think that moving into a new season, transitioning into whether it’s parenting, a relationship, business, whatever it might be, or to really just living our life, that there’s never going to be any problem.
Why don’t we manage our expectations a little better? Why do we think that?
Brad [00:06:23]:
I think one of the biggest reasons is because people lose sight of what they actually want, or they haven’t given themselves permission to go after something that they want. If we think about it like a metaphor.
I’ve been refining this metaphor for the better part of two years, and it’s really interesting what you just shared, because it kind of reminds me of going on a road trip and needing Google Maps to get from where you are to where you want to be, but then refusing to look at the directions.
So let’s say that we’re in and bear with me while I explain this for just a moment. It will add value to everyone listening. If I’m in western Illinois right now, and I want to drive to a beautiful place… let’s say it’s Yosemite National Park. It’s my favorite place along the journey there, there’s going to be stoplights. There are going to be left turns, right turns.
There’s going to be times when you have to pull over the car and refill your tank. There are going to be times when you’re driving up a hill and you have to push a little bit harder down the accelerator to go the same speed.
There’s going to be times when you’re going down the back of a mountain and you can literally let go of the accelerator to go faster. And there will be times when it’s sunny and it’s beautiful. Then there are times when it’s raining and a lot of people think, well, it’s raining. I can’t drive a car. Of course you can drive in the rain.
Now, if there’s a torrential downpour and it’s hailing, right, meaning a metaphor for, let’s say, a loss in the family or something tragic that happens, sure, pull over the car for a couple of minutes.
[00:07:47]:
That’s okay as long as you are still looking at the final destination and reverse engineering the actions you take based on where you want to go, because some of that’s going to have construction zones where it’s slower than you thought it would be. Sometimes you’re going to go faster than you thought it would be.
And sometimes GPS is going to have this lovely little thing that says, hey, faster route available. And you can either choose to resist that because you’re so used to doing things the way you’ve been doing them or you can listen to Google who is always right.
And so the whole reason I share that and that’s very spark noted, is because I think a lot of times when we’re transitioning in any piece of life, we don’t pick a target. It’s always been about so many other people for so long.
We never ask ourselves what we want? What are we going after?
And even though these curveballs come at us, as long as we know that these left turns, right turn, slower speed limits are on the journey towards the goal, then we don’t make it wrong to have challenges and we keep on driving even when those challenges and slower speed limits start showing up.
Put Yourself First; It Benefits Everyone
Julie [00:08:53]:
So I think to go even further back then the reason why mindset work is so important as well, the reason why having the right people in your life is so important as well. The reason why personal growth journey is so important as well is because… especially for women, which is primarily, of course, my audience, primarily who I’m talking to, especially for women…
The Importance of Remembering Personal Goals:
“Sometimes women forget that they are human beings who actually can and should and do have goals outside of perhaps taking care of their family.”
— Julie
And I think that’s what prevents them from getting back on track, maybe with a little more resilience because they’ve forgotten they actually are human beings too.
So they get to that challenge and they have forgotten, they forgot to pack some snacks on their road trip and then they’re hungry and they’re like, Why? Well, they forgot to pack snacks, they forgot that they could also have goals and dreams and then they get to that challenge or that transition or that little detour or whatever.
Brad [00:09:58]:
Yeah, and I would want to challenge any woman in that situation. What are you gaining from putting yourself last? And what I mean by that is obviously no disrespect whatsoever, but I see this all the time, where the kids come first or the spouse comes first.
And stereotypically women don’t put themselves first. And there is no victory in martyrdom. Meaning if you put everyone else before you, it actually doesn’t serve other people. And so my advice to anyone going through that is what if it became the season of you first?
If you took care of yourself and your goals first, imagine what could happen to how you show up for your kids, to how you show up in your marriage, to how you show up for, let’s say, a business or a career.
And it feels so backwards to say that, but taking care of you and your desires, just literally having the spark of I’m going after this, your energy instantly changes in all of your conversations because you have a direction that you’re taking your life.
And so if I could give advice to any woman listening to this, it would be, why not you first?
Julie [00:11:05]:
And it is interesting because as I transition to this new season of parenting, being an official empty nester now, I don’t understand how that is since I’m like 20. I don’t know how this is happening right now. Here we are. Here we are.
And I have really had to give myself some grace and space to be like, you know what? Today is not a day we’re going to be on social media and be okay with that and just sort of take care of myself.
Or today I need to maybe lift weights for like an hour because that’s really going to help me navigate this season. Or I need to make sure I’m really drinking my water and my nutrition is really dialing in anything that helps me take better care of me so that I have, I think, more grace for myself.
And then when you have those opportunities to be with, well, in my case, my daughters, I have a lot more energy.
I’m a lot more excited because I’ve been taking care of me. So when they call, I’m not sad with them because I’ve been taking care of me. So I think that’s real important for women to understand, too, that when you do, to your point, make it the season of you and take care of you, you kind of fill your own cup.
You feel better yourself, so all your interactions and your relationships get better, which is kind of the point, I think.
Brad [00:12:37]:
100%. And if you think about where I hear the phrase like guilt or shame being thrown around a lot, and it’s because a lot of people do the opposite of what you just shared, right.
Everyone else comes first. But if you think about guilt, guilt, especially in a family dynamic, comes when you’re giving everyone else the scraps. And if you’re giving everyone else the scraps, it’s a sign that you’re not taking care of you first. It’s a sign that you’re not lifting the weights for an hour. You’re not taking a day off social media.
And this requires letting go of perfection. This requires mastering your emotions, which I’m happy to dive into, but it requires you saying, you know what, me being my best is what’s going to lead to benefiting everything else in my life.
And it’s so interesting because in my life, my personal philosophy, I’m not asking you to believe what I believe. This is just my personal belief that I need to put myself first so that I can show up for my wife in the best way possible and therefore we, together, can show up for our daughter together. Right. But it’s got to be you first, right?
Julie [00:13:45]:
And as one of the good men in the world, we hope that you are reminding your wife to do the same for her, because I think we need that in this world, too. Like, women need to take ownership of their own journey, and we also need the people in our lives to be telling us to do that, too.
And that sounds weird. It almost sounds like I’m telling you that you need permission from other people. That’s not what I’m saying. I’m telling you to ask the people in your life for support. I’m definitely not telling you to ask somebody. I mean, Brad, you know me.
When was the last time I asked my permission for anything? I’m like? And Brad will be coming to our house for four days. Get ready. There was no permission. Jamie’s like, all right, I’ll be golfing on those days. Okay?
So not asking you to ask for permission. I am challenging you, requesting that you as a female listen to this talk to your family about support. And sometimes you need to really ask for what you need.
And that thing that you need could be someone kind of reminding you gently and would love. Hey, you said you’re going to take care of you. Why don’t you go out and get a walk in right now?
Hey, you said you’re going to take care of you. Why don’t you go drink some water and do whatever it might be? And I think that asking for support from the people around you is really key, too.
Brad [00:15:20]:
100%. I mean, asking for help is I think society tells us that it’s a sign of weakness. And if we think about where that stems from, we try to do it all ourselves. Why? To prove that we’re worthy. To prove that we’re enough to be able to handle it all.
But at the end of the day, worth has never once been in question. It has never been a matter of your effort, your martyrdom, you putting everyone else first. You can handle it.
It’s not like that will somehow make you worthy. You’ve been worthy since the moment you were born. And so if we just suspend this idea that I need to effort and do more just to show that I’m capable, just to show that I matter, just show that I’m enough, then we realize that nothing great is ever created on your own.
Nothing incredible. And so that means asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It’s the greatest show of strength. That’s why the most successful people, the most happy people on Earth, have a tribe of people around them.
They’re surrounded by, and ongoing basis that consistently uplift them, myself included.
You included, right? We have amazing people around us. I’m constantly asking for help because nothing great is ever created on your own.
Julie [00:16:25]:
I always think of my husband in those circumstances, too, because my husband was a college football coach for 30 years. It is the only job he’s ever had, which is also kind of rare in this day and age, but it’s the only job he’s ever had. So he played football growing up? He played football in college. He was a graduate assistant coach. He was a full time coach. It’s all he’s ever done.
He also, as a head coach, had a staff, and had a staff of people that helped him. At the end of the day, did he have to make the decision? Yes, but never on his own.
It was with a staff. And this is someone who went to school for and only had one job, like, literally prepared for the job and still had a community around him to help him run the team.
So as women, why on God’s green earth would any of us think that we should be able to know how to do any of this on our own? And that includes when you’re transitioning into a new parenting season.
Anything in life. I mean, I always told my daughters whenever they turned a new age, I’m like, well, I’ve never parented a 21 year old before, so this is going to be interesting for both of us. Here we go. Cannot be the oldest. I’m like, sorry, you’re the guinea pig.
Never done before. Here we go. So we don’t have any experience doing so much of what we do, but we do have experience that we can handle it and that we can do it. We just may have to ask for help in doing that.
Let’s talk about when you are transitioning or you’re just in a place in your life where you’re going through it and maybe you feel a little bit stuck. That’s kind of where I was. I mean, vibey, vibe, vibes. I don’t know.
You were like, reading my mind in 2020, and you’re like, hey, popping in my inbox. How would you like to blah, blah, blah. And I’m like, okay. How did he even know that that’s what I needed? I was so stuck.
We were vibing across the planet, and I think we all find those places that’s just part of the human experience. We’re all going to be stuck. We’re all going to be on plateaus. We’re going to tell ourselves a story that we’re stuck.
We’re going to tell ourselves a story that we’re on a plateau. We’re going to tell ourselves all of that. And how are we going to get off of that? How are we going to get unstuck and start to create some for us what we perceive as traction or momentum?
Brad [00:18:45]:
Well, bust out your pens or pencils because I’m about to educate you.
Julie [00:18:52]:
Smart people take notes.
Brad [00:18:54]:
Smart people take notes. So it really comes down before getting into the meat of it, it really comes down to cause and effect, right? All of life is cause and effect. If the effect you want in your life is not there, that means the cause is also missing.
Let me repeat that for those in the back. If the effect you want in your life is not there, that means the cause is also missing.
Now, what most people make the mistake of thinking is that when their circumstances change, that’s when they’ll feel better, when life around them is different, I’ll somehow be happier. This is known as, quote unquote, stuck BS. It’s total BS.
Belief systems BS. There you go. If you think that a change in your circumstance is going to somehow make you feel different, you’re lying to yourself. Because think about anytime it’s happened before, you’ve always wound up going back to the same emotion.
So what people do is they obsess over the effect, which is their circumstances in life. And when you obsess over the effect, you forget the cause. And the cause is your consistent emotional state, the way that you’ve been living. And I’ll give you tips on how to actually navigate that in just a moment.
[00:20:10]:
But if you forget about the cause, your emotional state, then you are stuck and unable to influence the effect – your circumstances. Sure, right. So all of this say that the reason why you feel stuck is because you do not know how to control or navigate your emotions. That’s what that means.
I mean that with no disrespect. I was there for a very long time. So everyone has an emotional home they go back to, right? Angry people tend to find something to get pissed off about. Happy people tend to find something to get happy about.
Overwhelmed people tend to find something to get overwhelmed about. They have a home they go back to. Now, even if your house is messy, you still go back home after a long day.
So even if you don’t like the way your house is, you’re going to revisit until you decide to clean it up. So think of it like a thermostat, right? If let’s say my temperature in my home, my emotional home, is set to 66 degrees.
Let’s say that’s anxious, for example, right? Let’s say 100 is the best 66 degrees. Anxious. Well, what’s going to happen when life really gets challenging? Really throws you some curveballs? Let’s say some depression slips in there or some really bad anxiety creeps in there, or sadness, for example.
Well, the feeling of stuckness is going to increase and the temperature is going to drop, right? Let’s say it gets to be 30 degrees in your house. It’s depression, right? Something bad happened. Well, guess what happens?
The thermostat kicks on and the furnace kicks on, and you find your way back to overwhelm. This is why when life throws you a curveball, you will find your way back to where you tend to live emotionally. But this also means that when life gets really awesome and let’s say it’s 100 degrees outside, it’s absolutely beautiful.
I’m a big 75 and sunny guy. But for the metaphor, we’re going to use 100. So let’s say it’s 100 degrees outside.
[00:22:11]:
Gratitude, love, peace, joy, excitement. All the Disney, right? And you’ve got all that stuff. Well, if your thermostat is set to 67, the AC is kicking on. It can’t be that good, and it will cool you back down.
What we need to do if we ever want to get unstuck at any point in our life is we need to learn how to master our emotions, to clean up that house, to raise that emotional thermostat. And it comes down to mastering three things.
Jot these in your notes if you’re listening to this, please.
Three things that will help you get unstuck whenever you want.
1 – Move Your Body
… and you have the master herself on here right now with this. Number one is a change in your body. A change in your body. If you move your body differently, you literally feel different emotions.
Have you ever had a moment when you don’t want to work out and you work out for five minutes, all of a sudden you feel better? Why? You’ve literally changed your biochemistry. In fact, it’s a recipe.
Depression is a way of using your body. Your head is down. Your breathing is more shallow. Your eyes are towards the ground. Excitement. Your head is up. Your shoulders are back. You’re breathing faster. It’s how you use your body so you can change your body. You’ll instantly have a different set of emotions.
2 – Where You Place your Focus
If you are in a place where you’re stuck or feeling miserable or feeling sad or feeling directionless, chances are your focus is on yourself and what’s missing. Because suffering.
Julie [00:23:32]:
Say that again. Because what you just said clearly articulated how a lot of women feel moving into this particular season of life, this empty nesting season of life. They feel stuck because they’re focusing on what’s missing.
Brad [00:23:51]:
That’s exactly right. And it doesn’t matter who you are or where you are in your life. If you focus on what’s missing consistently, it’s impossible to sustain happiness. You will not. It’s literally impossible.
Now, there’s a time in your life when focusing on what’s missing serves you. For example, let’s say a product launch doesn’t go well. Well, what went wrong? That might be a good question to ask.
But if you live in what’s missing, then you recreate the past, because the past becomes the future when you live there. And so we need to identify where our focus is going.
And there are three patterns that typically emerge when we look at the second piece, which is our focus.
- Are we focused on what we’re grateful for or what’s missing?
- Number two, are we focused on what we can control or can’t control?
- And number three, are we focused on the past, present, or future?
And it’s a recipe, because if you’re focused on what’s missing, what you cannot control in the past, that’s sadness and depression.
Focus on what’s missing, what you cannot control in the future, that’s anxiety. That’s the recipe. If you’re focused on what you appreciate in your life, what you’re grateful for, what you can control in the future, that’s excitement.
And there’s a million more recipes like that, but it’s an emotional recipe of where you’re placing your focus.
[00:25:03]:
Now, if you change any one of these two things, your physiology, the way you’re using your body, that’ll change how you feel, you’ll instantly get unstuck. Change your focus, you will get unstuck.
3 – Change How You Describe Your Challenge
Take a look at how you describe your challenge. Just the words, I’m stuck. What about I’m growing? The words you use to describe your experience become your experience.
And so am I overwhelmed or so overwhelmed, or am I just a wee bit perturbed? Right? It’s the words that we use to describe things that literally create an emotional response within us.
And if you change any of these things and you become intentional about how you’re describing your challenge and everything shifts, you change one of these things, your life changes.
You change all three of these things instantly unstuck. Because you’ve changed your body, you’ve changed your focus, and you’ve changed how you’ve described your challenge. You’ve started to see it as a beautiful gift.
The Power of Focus
“And it’s a recipe, because if you’re focused on what’s missing, what you cannot control in the past, that’s sadness and depression. Focus on what’s missing, what you cannot control in the future, that’s anxiety. That’s the recipe.”
— Brad
Julie [00:25:59]:
And I think what’s important about all of that, number one, it’s a roadmap, like checkpoints… a recipe. So now we’ve got some tactical stuff that we can use, and it’s not diminishing that feelings are valid.
All feelings are valid. So you can feel the feels. I encourage women as we’re transitioning into different seasons of life, and really, I speak a lot to empty nesters. Or maybe your kids are going into high school or they’re going into college, but you could be dropping your oldest off at kindergarten and freaking the heck out about it.
So whatever transition it is that you’re going through, feel the feels. I think we get in trouble when we don’t acknowledge those feels.
So feel the feels and realize that sitting in those feels are probably not going to help you move forward. They’re going to contribute to this feeling, maybe, of stuckness that you’re talking about.
So here’s this beautiful recipe that we can use to actually take some action to feel better. Because I don’t know about you, Brad, but I don’t really like to feel sad all the like. That’s not fun for me.
Brad [00:27:02]:
It’s not my favorite thing.
Julie [00:27:03]:
The first time I worked with Brad was absolutely revolutionary for my life. My goodness. Our work together came at this time in my life where I didn’t know that I needed it, but I needed it.
My dream of moving to Florida, it felt so far away. I knew I wanted to be there, but I wasn’t sure how I was going to get there. And yet, through our time and our work together, I was.
Able to find so much clarity and actually move the needle on my goal so much faster than I ever could have imagined and so much faster than I ever would have done on my own. And this is why I’m so passionate about mindset work.
It’s why I’m so passionate about working with Brad. And I want this for you, too. I want you to feel this momentum. Brad is launching a free five day mindset group. You need to be in this room. You need to feel this momentum.
Listen to all episodes Brad’s been on
You need to have Brad speak truth and life into you and ask you questions that move the needle like they did for me. To make sure you get all the details, I want you to get on the waitlist!
Learn More on Brad’s Website Follow Brad on Instagram Sign Up for the Free 5 Day Mindset Challenge
That’s it for this episode. Thank you for making this podcast part of your life. It’s amazing to listen to a podcast. And listen, I so appreciate you listening to this one. What’s even more amazing is when you take action on what you heard. Use what you heard today to take action towards your goals.
It’s amazing to listen to a podcast. And listen. I so appreciate you listening to this one. What’s even more amazing is when you take action on what you heard. Use what you heard today to take action towards your goals.
Please tag me on Instagram @julievoris with your takeaways and what you’re doing. If you enjoy the podcast, and I hope that you do, please spread the word. Invite a friend and leave a review. The world needs more positive energy, and you can be a part of that.
Now go – Crank It Up!
